either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
