you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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