someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
