your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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