Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
