she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
