Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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