Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
