you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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