I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
