I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't trust your balls anymore.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
