I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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