dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high