Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

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  (602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section. http://tfl.nu/g47a
  Replies (44) Good night (2228) Bad night (6223)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

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  (610): My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing. http://tfl.nu/h8rn
  Replies (49) Good night (1262) Bad night (5636)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.

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  (609): We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada. http://tfl.nu/0b9c
  Replies (22) Good night (6267) Bad night (2149)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...

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  (904): she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room... http://tfl.nu/wehm
  Replies (8) Good night (3262) Bad night (1247)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.

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  (210): I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer. http://tfl.nu/a3pu
  Replies (8) Good night (3290) Bad night (762)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone

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  (804): I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone http://tfl.nu/9ph0
  Replies (11) Good night (2999) Bad night (717)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.

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  (757): Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week. (1-757): It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell. http://tfl.nu/5ztt
  Replies (6) Good night (2813) Bad night (1090)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.

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  (254): We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight. http://tfl.nu/fhx0
  Replies (4) Good night (1722) Bad night (662)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

  (914): View more from New York

  Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

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  (914): He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List (914): Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired) http://tfl.nu/bfp9
  Replies (28) Good night (1915) Bad night (1020)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...

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  (804): It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left... http://tfl.nu/rixb
  Replies (7) Good night (457) Bad night (947)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.

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  (202): We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy. http://tfl.nu/mfv7
  Replies (9) Good night (1583) Bad night (688)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."

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  (617): I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..." http://tfl.nu/x7hv
  Replies (1) Good night (819) Bad night (450)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes

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  (206): he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes http://tfl.nu/42iw
  Replies (0) Good night (754) Bad night (251)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.

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  (716): Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head. http://tfl.nu/o46h
  Replies (0) Good night (452) Bad night (243)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!

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  (573): You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall! http://tfl.nu/2nbi
  Replies (6) Good night (297) Bad night (312)

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