We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.