I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
