Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I thought you said his peep was too small

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

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  (505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw
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  (516): View more from New York

  I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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  (516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4
  Replies (81) Good night (4871) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
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  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
  Replies (27) Good night (1485) Bad night (3559) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message

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  (941): I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message http://tfl.nu/pqsm
  Replies (9) Good night (5495) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!

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  (902): It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time! http://tfl.nu/2h7j
  Replies (12) Good night (669) Bad night (3432) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

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  (703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q
  Replies (42) Good night (3049) Bad night (5102) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..

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  (973): I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends.. http://tfl.nu/k6dk
  Replies (16) Good night (930) Bad night (3021)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

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  (815): There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed. http://tfl.nu/rw7p
  Replies (4) Good night (3046) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.

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  (816): I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water. http://tfl.nu/fay5
  Replies (10) Good night (1036) Bad night (2284) Order T-Shirt
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.

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  (612): The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt. http://tfl.nu/1yd4
  Replies (4) Good night (2976) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".

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  (916): You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar". http://tfl.nu/r1q0
  Replies (6) Good night (2123) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.

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  (864): I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out. http://tfl.nu/hn3q
  Replies (3) Good night (1790) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.

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  (989): I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep. http://tfl.nu/zu0y
  Replies (1) Good night (806) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals

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  (330): i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals http://tfl.nu/vtga
  Replies (1) Good night (634) Bad night (210) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.

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  (651): We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it. http://tfl.nu/ubme
  Replies (5) Good night (1161) Bad night (157) Order T-Shirt

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