It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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