At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
