did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
