is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
