I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
