Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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