I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
