i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
