your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
