I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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