Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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