I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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