He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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