I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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