Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
