I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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