She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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