You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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