I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
