Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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