But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
