Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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