I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
