i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
