I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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