I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
