Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise