I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house