took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.