when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.