you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
