I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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