If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
did you just send me my own nude
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
