Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
