i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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