he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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