wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
