I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
