wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
