is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
