Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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