remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
