Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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