nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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