Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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