As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
