Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
