So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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