I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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