Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
