I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
its not stalking. its research.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
