Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize