just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
